I want to try something different. A sort of stream-of-consciousness thing. Mental notes from a writer in the process of the first draft of a novel.
This might be a huge mess. But I’ve had a couple of new followers lately, so I thought I should do something to let you guys into my world.
It’s Friday, January 25th. I’m at the end of a stressful week.
I’m a freelance writer by day, so I’m pretty much writing every minute I’m awake. This week, I worked harder and made less money than I have in a while, which is always fun. That’s the way it goes, sometimes. Freelancing is a hunt, and on a hunt, you don’t always end up with a meal.
The novel is going well. It doesn’t have a name yet. I keep getting an instinct to hold off. This book is a rewrite of a story I started years ago, but many of the scenes are new. Piecing it all together has been hard. I’ve been working on it since I got back from Bali. It’s almost twice the length of BEYOND MY DYING MIND, which I guess gives it full “novel” status as of now. I prefer to write novellas, so we’ll see how much this one changes as it develops.
It’s Saturday now. January 26th. I was determined for this to be a mental-health day. I’ve been struggling with the negative mindset lately. I think it’s work stress. But today was a good day. I meditated, exercised, and went for a long drive. It was nice, despite that my car is old, lacking a radio, and always causing me a low level of terror that it might break down at any time. The grass was bright green in the fields after all the rain we’ve had. California is so beautiful.
The lock is broken on the driver’s side door of my car, so I maneuver in through the passenger seat. I like the challenge.
More meditation tomorrow. More writing tonight.
It’s 1:51 a.m. on and Sunday, January 27th, and I’ve completed my first draft!
I’m so relieved I can move ahead with my normal rewriting process now. The first draft is the hardest part, and none of the magic even begins to happen until somewhere in rewrite four, usually. I’m getting there.
I’ve been staying away from social media lately. I needed a detox. Although, I’m still looking at Instagram, but my feed there is mostly yoga routines and pictures of the Alps. Maybe I should stop scrolling there, too.
The thing about stepping away from this stuff is you create silence in your life, and then you realize how loud everything was before. You get used to this new level of peace, and it becomes harder to reintegrate. But maybe reintegration isn’t what I want. Maybe I need to walk through a silent world until I find something new.
I meditated today.
I get into the headspace faster now. Some days are easier than others, but no matter how “well it goes”, it always does me good. I sometimes convince myself I’m too busy, which is stupid. I stopped meditating for a few weeks due to work stress and feeling overwhelmed, and it was such a mistake. I felt myself begin to revert to the negative, depressed person I used to be as the days went by.
I commit to meditation. Exercise is so important too. I did two workouts today.
And now for another thing that keeps me sane: writing. Second draft. Here goes nothing.
It’s Monday, January 28th, and I’m hard at work on rewrite two. I’m putting heart into this story, weaving memories with fiction. I’ve never wanted to share too many of my real-life paranormal stories with the world. It feels too personal. Being able to explain aspects of my experiences through fiction is a pretty amazing gift.
I have a dream of becoming multilingual and being able to write books in different languages. I’m trying to learn Spanish right now, which I’ve failed a few times in the past. The way teachers showed us in school just didn’t stick in my brain for some reason. I’ve been using a language app to study and it seems a bit better of a method. We’ll see. If this goes well, I’d like to also learn Chinese and German one day.
Well, I’m off to clean, light some black sage, cook dinner, and relax for sleep.
It’s Tuesday, January 29th, and I just finished watching episode one of the new True Detective. So very into it.
Work is going okay. I’m all caught up as of now. This job is such a crazy cycle of trying to catch up and then immediately being desperate to find work again.
I’m back to working on rewrite two. I’m 32 pages in, and it’s mostly small changes so far.
It’s Wednesday, January 30th. It was a depressing day. Low energy. I took time off work. I wanted to get my taxes done, but I gave up halfway through because it was too overwhelming. I’m going to set that aside for a while, I think.
I’m feeling low today, so I won’t write too much. There’s a lot I could say, but I’m not a big fan of “venting”. I’ve never gone on a rant and then felt better afterwards.
I get to write about immunity within the federal court system tomorrow. Woo!
It’s Thursday, January 31st, and it’s a better day than yesterday. It’s been a rollercoaster lately.
It’s Friday, February 1st, and I’m back down again. See what I mean?
I’ve completed one week of this journaling experiment. It’s a tough day. I couldn’t work due to fatigue and not feeling well. It happens. The thing about using your creative power to make money is it’s not always there. If I become too drained and out of balance, I get writer’s block and can’t work. I’m working on this whole, embrace imperfection, go-with-the-flow thing. It’s the hardest thing to post this (or any) blog because I have so many worries over perfection. But I guess I’ll do it anyway.
So, that’s it for my week of daily blogs. I plan on continuing to rewrite the book throughout February and March, and maybe by April or May, it can be with beta readers while I focus on getting out into nature and enjoying the springtime. I want balance in my life this year. I don’t want to miss out on so much because I’m always working. Going to Bali was a good start, but I need more.
Be sure to check out BEYOND MY DYING MIND on Amazon, and stay tuned for more news about my next book!