Self-Care Tips: Bouncing Back After a Breakdown

Disclaimer: I’m not a doctor or mental-health professional. Just another human who struggles with this stuff. I understand what it’s like to read advice that doesn’t work for you. I never want anyone to feel like I’m underestimating the seriousness of depression or other disorders. If you’re in a crisis and need help now, the number for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. And just in case it isn’t obvious from the subject matter, TRIGGER WARNING.


Always keeping the faith. Always staying strong. Sometimes failing to “stay strong” and ending up with scars to show for it. I watch as my struggles hurt the people around me. I ache as those I love deal with problems of their own. It all gets tiring.

I could write a million blogs on how to stay positive, but this is about what to do in the aftermath of a time you weren’t able to. It doesn’t matter if one massive thing set you off or if it was a series of small incidents over a period of time. Upping your self-care game is the way to start feeling better and getting back on track ASAP.

 Recovery Tips: Self-Care is Ointment for Your Tired Brain

  1. Handling the Basic Elements of Life

It’s good to focus on physical things if you’re feeling overwhelmed and unable to make sense of your situation. Water. Bathing and oral hygiene. Food. Fresh air. Sunlight. Exercise if you can. Work if you’re currently capable. The things you have to do. If you’re high strung like me, you probably get cracked out on adrenal hormones after any sort of meltdown and have the tendency to under eat. Other people devour their feelings. Whatever your tendency, just focus on getting nutritionally dense meals and plenty of fluids.

  1. Accepting Your Mistakes

No matter what kind of panic attack, episode, or negative experience you had, it’s safe to say it worsened your mood, and your current outlook likely doesn’t represent reality. It can help to logically work through how your view might be skewed by your emotions.

For example, when I’m struggling, I often end up feeling deep shame for making emotional posts on social media. I think that everyone is looking at me with disgust. And maybe some people are. I lose followers every time I post that I’m struggling, and yes, it does hurt. But screw it. I don’t want unsupportive people following me anyway. I refuse to feel shame for being human, and you shouldn’t either. Let people hate. Let them unfollow. Delete your upset posts if you feel you should, but don’t let them weigh on your soul.

The reality is that most people don’t care about what other people do or say, and even when they are upset by something, they’re often quick to forget. Look how quickly people forget about terrible occurrences like mass shootings. People will talk about something for days, then something new happens, and the first thing is almost completely forgotten. If people have such a short attention span that they easily move on from horrific, life-altering incidents, how long do you think they’ll remember your silly social-media rant? Life is hard. It’s understandable if you overreact sometimes. It’s okay.

The same goes for any other minor “mistakes” you made during your episode. Maybe it’s something as simple as forgetting plans with a friend because you were crying and lost in panic attacks all day. It happens. Apologize and move on rather than beating yourself up.

  1. Meditation, Prayer, or Mental Focus

I consider prayer one of the basic foundations of life, but not everyone shares my spiritual beliefs, and that’s okay. I’m not here to tell you what to believe. For me, giving it up to God is a powerful act. I wouldn’t be alive today without the love and guidance he offers me. That said, I think you can get a lot of the same benefits from releasing your struggles to the universe in some way.

If prayer isn’t your thing, consider writing in a journal as a way to release your pain. Let it all out. Get as nasty as you want. You don’t have to show it to anyone, but it’s a good idea to keep it around, at least for a little while. Examining it when you’re feeling better could provide you a window into the workings of your mind.

  1. Viewing the Setback as a Tool

Another way to help yourself accept what happened is by seeing if you can learn something from it. A setback can crack your psyche in two and allowed a deeper view within. Sometimes we don’t even realize what’s really bothering us. I didn’t—not until I began working with EFT and trying to manifest positive things with the law of attraction. When I started paying attention to my thoughts, it awakened something inside of me. This has only continued to unfold over the years, and I’ve found that my self-awareness is heightened even more after a major panic attack or breakdown. It’s a good time to be brave and dig deep. Understanding your triggers is the key to healing as many of them as possible.

  1. Creating a New Plan for Progress

Okay, at this point you’ve made sure that your basic needs are taken care of, forgiven yourself for any big mistakes you made during your episode, connected to God/your higher self through journaling or prayer, and taken an honest look at your triggers. Hopefully, you’re feeling a little more empowered, but if not, that’s okay. Brain chemistry is complex, and you might be unable to feel better at this time. Don’t beat yourself up about that, either.

Now is a good time to start coming up with a plan to feel better. I can’t give you an exact plan. I’m a writer, not a doctor or a therapist. People need so many different things. Your plan might be as simple as adding more exercise into your regimen or as complex as visiting your doctor to have a variety of medications adjusted. I’m not here to tell you what to do, but there is one thing I feel safe recommending to literally everyone: EFT.

EFT has helped me more than any other form of therapy. I’ve been working with it since my twenties, and it has increased my self-awareness by about a hundred times. It’s so powerful it’s mind blowing. The other day, I felt myself begin to go into a panic attack, and I was able to sort out my emotions and release all my negative energy after only 10-15 minutes of EFT.

It takes dedication, practice, and experimentation to learn about EFT and figure out how it can work for you, but it’s worth it. Please trust me—this practice is amazing. There is a lot of promising research about it too. One study showed that it can significantly lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol as well as reducing the severity of anxiety and depression. The best part is that it’s free!

Moving Forward: Doing the Best I Can

I decided a while ago that I was no longer going to try to be perfect. I’ve accepted that there are some limiting factors in my life, such as chronic pain, but I don’t want to let them stop me. It’s hard to accept, but there are shitty, awful people in this world, and I refuse to let them stop me either. I’m still working toward my dreams every day, and I hope all of you will continue to as well.

Thanks for reading! Please be sure to follow this blog and subscribe to my new Youtube channel!

Embracing the Single Life: Why Being Alone Might be the Most Romantic Thing You Could Do

If you’re anything like me, when you’re in a shitty relationship, romance is the last thing on your mind. You don’t want to think about cuddling, kissing, and going to nice restaurants with some amazing guy. You don’t want to think about sex. You’re too busy planning a move to some rural part of the country, where you can hopefully acquire a small, dark shack to live out the rest of your days in.

This is why I’m now a firm believer that you should get out of bad relationships as soon as possible. If having someone in my life causes me to feel less happy than I do without them in my life, that person gets the axe.

There is one requirement for maintaining this policy. You have to be willing to be alone.

Finding Peace with the Single Life

Maybe you’ve just gone through a breakup, and the pain is still fresh. Perhaps you’ve been single so long that it seems you might as well take the rural-shack route. Either way, taking a few minutes to stop and embrace the beauty of your single life can benefit you.

If you’re happy being single—awesome. I am too, and it’s a wonderful thing that I could rave about for hours. However, for this blog, I wanted to talk specifically about how being single can actually be a romantic choice that can assist you in not just finding a person but also the right one.

How Loving Solitude Can Help Prepare You for Your Next Relationship

Most of us, even those like myself who enjoy being single, would like to find an ideal partner to share life with one day. That is far from easy. The majority of couples don’t last a lifetime. That’s just how it is. However, happy partnerships do occur, so we all have reason to hope. And by being sinbookreader.jpeggle now, you’re actually doing the best possible thing you can do to attract your ideal romance.

  1. You’ll Have the Time to Think About What You Want

If you jump from one relationship to another out of desperation to not be alone, you’ll never have the peace and solitude required to reflect upon what it is you really need.

I’m a very big believer in the law of attraction. It’s mentioned in most of my stories, because I believe it to be a basic foundation of reality. To find the right person, you need to know what the right person looks like, and I don’t mean physically.

What sort of qualities would your dream partners have, and most important, how would they make you feel? If you can meditate on the feelings your ideal relationship would create for you, such as the feeling of being supported or how wonderful it feels to have a partner who gets your sense of humor, you’ll start attracting someone who will make you feel that way. Creating a vision board can help with this.

  1. Intimacy Will Feel like New Again

Okay, this one doesn’t apply to some of you, but I figured I’d go ahead and mention it. I don’t believe in casual sex under any circumstances. I’m not shaming you if you do. Please don’t think that. People should have freedom over what they do with their bodies, so if you feel casual sex is right for you, then go get yours.

That said, I reserve all forms of physical intimacy, from sex to cuddling, for people I’m in a committed, monogamous relationship with. Therefore, when I’m single for long enough, I start forgetting what these things feel like. In the future, when I do experience physical touch again, it will feel like the first time. There’s nothing quite like getting butterflies the way you did when you were young.

  1. You Won’t Come with Baggage

When we get out of bad relationships, a lot of people have a tendency to immediately look for another one. There are a lot of reasons for this, such as:

  • Fear of being alone.
  • Wanting to punish the ex.
  • The desire for sexual intimacy.
  • Hoping there’s a reason for all of this, and projecting those hopes onto an innocent person.

It all makes sense. It’s not easy to accept when someone hurts you. It leaves you feeling jaded and hating the universe. However, as a single person, you have the opportunity to work on healing and clearing the baggage out of your emotional mind without any distractions.

takeback.jpgYou’ll also have the chance to sort out deeper issues, such as childhood traumas, addictions, or other conditions that might be holding you back in life and love. That means, by the time a love interest appears in your life, you’ll be able to throw yourself into it with an open heart. You’ll also have developed the tools to walk away if it that person doesn’t turn out to be as great as they initially seemed.

  1. You’ll be Available

The simplest reason why you need to be single to find the right person is obvious: You’ll be available. What do most great romance novels have in common? They begin with single characters who are doing their own thing in life. Okay, maybe some romances do begin with scandalous circumstances, such as cheating, but the easiest way to prepare for a monogamous relationship is to  be available for one.

This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have standards or play hard to get. Just remember that if you stay with the wrong person out of fear of being alone, it’s going to be a lot harder when you eventually meet the right one.

     5. You’ll be Ready

The majority of people will embrace the possibility of romance when it shows up, but that doesn’t mean they’re ready. I am guilty of this myself. I never took the proper amount of time to heal after one of the hardest and most toxic relationships of my life. I should have realized what I’m seeing now: I need a nice, long period of my adult life to myself before I attempt to settle down with anyone.

Of course, embracing the single life doesn’t mean you’ll find the perfect partner as soon as you’re ready. It might take twenty tries, or it might take a lot more than that. But I do believe with all of my heart that the willingness to be single is a crucial component to finding the right person. Now that I’m on my own, I’m starting to believe in romance again. I won’t be attempting to date anytime soon, but if it happens suddenly, the way it does in novels, I’ll be open to it.

Until then, I’ll be enjoying my peace and freedom, doing what I want with my time, and experiencing true joy, because that’s how life should be. The right person will only enhance that.

___

After getting brutally dumped by his ex, Devin was ready to embrace the single life. Then Cora comes along. He’s fixing to throw in the towel and settle down—but is she? Or will they keep hovering on the EDGE OF SOMETHING MORE? Available now at Amazon.