When You Don’t Fit in: Thriving in a World You Feel Separate From

Maybe you look different. Maybe you live different. You’re a creature of a world all your own. This can be a great thing. Some people build their entire identities around it.

Not fitting in can also feel crappy. The outcasts, the loners, the people who put on fake smiles while they’re secretly grimacing at how frustrating it is to be so different from everyone around them—they all know this. Sometimes, the feeling only lasts a moment. Like when you’re the only person in a group discussion who disagrees with something. It can also be a lifelong thing. Or maybe feeling misunderstood by the people around you is a constant. You might even feel like you were born on the wrong planet.

Oh, I’m an INFJ—That’s Why I’m Weird

You can be blessed with close friends but still feel at odds with society in some way. That’s me. I’ve known for years I’m an INFJ, but it was only recently that I really started reading about what that meant. It’s the rarest personality type on the planet, apparently. I guess that makes sense.

Personality Page says:

“INFJs are protective of their inner selves, sharing only what they choose to share when they choose to share it. They are deep, complex individuals, who are quite private and typically difficult to understand.”

I like that there’s documentation of my complexity and all, but other personality types feel misunderstood too. There’s enough differences in the world that everyone feels that way sometimes. Whether you were “born on the wrong planet” or not, you’re meant to be here, and that’s important to know. Your presence will change the story of life on Earth. This is always true but especially if you make an effort to be remembered for your unique gifts.

Fully Utilize the Internet

This seems obvious since you’re online right now, but just in case it isn’t: take advantage of the web. No matter what you’re into or how you feel about any aspect of existence, someone out there is feeling the same. I’ve been on forums for long hair, colorful hair, cooking, skincare, health, dancing, unique/free spirituality, general exercise, arts and crafts, and of course, writing. I’ve met so many interesting friends this way.

If you really feel alone with your ideas, consider starting a blog so you can introduce your unique perspectives to the world. There might be others like you out there. Not everyone knows how to express themselves. If you can and feel the desire to, you should!

Relocate—with Realistic Expectations

Some people go out and search for a place that feels right for them. Edge of Something More is about a search like that. After living in three states, I don’t think I “belong” anywhere. Maybe I’ll feel different in the future, but I kind of doubt it. I’ve had happy experiences many places. The world is beautiful all over. Traveling is always worth it, but making a permanent move is a different thing.

If you do relocate:

  • Know what you’re looking for and why. The more you have at stake, the more you want solid, dependable reasons for doing what you’re doing. Being in love with the local music scene or a nearby national park is dependable. Being in love with a girl you met online three days ago is less so, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go for it. Just look at what you have to gain versus what you have to lose, and then go with what feels right.
  • Don’t build the place up too much. An atmosphere more conducive to your landscape is a valuable thing, but it’s never good to expect more than a place can offer. Sometimes feelings change over time as well. The excitement of a new place wears off.
  • Don’t get dragged down by negativity. People can be harsh on places, so keep in mind that you might love what someone else hates.
  • Be serious about climate. If you’re like me and can’t deal with winter, a lot of locations are off the list. I didn’t realize this about myself until I had traveled quite a bit. The first snowy winter was exciting and fun. After that, not so much.

Live Your Way

I was okay until I reached kindergarten and people started demanding I get up at a certain time and do a bunch of stuff I didn’t want to do. I was depressed a lot of my life. Not only did I feel like a weirdo, but I also had a bunch of health problems. Somewhere in my twenties I figured out that living my way is my only chance of survival.

Don’t let society force you into a mold or a life plan that doesn’t work for you. There are all millions of lifestyles, and they all rock as long as you’re in alignment with your real self and not hurting anyone else.

Moments of Connection

Chances are that you do fit in and don’t realize it. At least in a lot of small ways. I try to notice those ways and point them out to myself. For example, I feel that connection to the world around me when:

  • Sharing humor. I love seeing the memes people make. Some of them are so awesome that it makes me love the human race once again.
  • Interacting with other writers. It’s such a huge part of me. Even the writers who get me the least still align with me more than a lot of the world.
  • Watching television. Connecting to other people in TV fandoms has always been fun for me. I plan on doing more TV recaps and rants on this and my other blog soon.
  • Talking about relationships. There are only so many different problems and situations. It’s easy to connect to people on the subjects of sex, love, and heartbreak.

Just be You

Never accept toxic relationships in the name of fitting in. People who put you down for being different don’t deserve your time or energy. Being unique is setting an example. I’ve been influenced by many brave individuals who set examples for me over the years, and I’m thankful.Those who clash with society help change it, so speak your mind and do what you want.

My Response to “5 Reasons Marriage Doesn’t Work Anymore”

By now, a lot of you have probably seen the viral article “5 Reasons Marriage Doesn’t Work Anymore” floating around social media. It was written by 29-year-old Anthony D’Ambrosio, who has a popular column in the Ashbury Park Press. D’Ambrosio is also a divorcee, and he seems to have little hope that marriage will ever work for the younger generation.


Here is the original article: http://www.12news.com/story/news/2015/12/31/sex-columnist-5-reasons-marriage-doesnt-work-anymore/78123994/


This whole thing rubbed me wrong. It’s clear that I’m far from the only person who felt this way. There have been numerous rebuttals, some of which are also going viral. After reading a few of those, I felt like I should write my own. I’m single, and I’ve never been married, but I have experienced a few long-term relationships that were like marriages, so I do relate. Also, as a romance author, I tend to think about human relationships a lot.


Before I go any further, I should point out that I too am unsure whether marriage is realistic in this day and age, or whether it’s ever been realistic in any age. I don’t place any value on getting married myself, at least not in the legal sense. I wanted to get married when I was younger, and looking back, I think it was only social conditioning that caused me to feel that way. Therefore, while I’m not closed off to the idea of marriage, I do agree with D’Ambrosio that for most people, a lifelong marriage isn’t realistic. I just disagree on the reasons why.


D’Ambrosio’s Five Points: My Rebuttal


I’m just going to go through the article and quote, and then respond to, the parts that I found annoying.

“I’ve spent the better part of the last three years trying to understand the dating scene again. Back when I met my ex-wife in 2004, things were just so different. Social media had yet to explode. I had this desire to ask her about her day simply because I didn’t know.”



That wasn’t one of his main points, but right off the bat, it irked me. No matter how much we might vent about our day on social media, people still go home and talk to their partners. This guy acts like people just come home and sit in silence because once you’ve mentioned something on social media, that’s it. You can never talk about it again. Sorry but that’s just not reality.

When something is really bothering me, I’ll vent about it on social media, then I’ll vent about it in real life, too. People still talk. Healthy, happy couples still talk. Unhappy, unhealthy couples have never communicated properly, and that was true long before social media.


Okay, now to the main points:


  1. “Sex becomes almost non-existent.”

I’m baffled by couples who neglect having sex, especially younger ones. We all desire physical connection, so how does cutting that off lead you to believe your marriage will be successful? It’s like telling someone you’ll take them out to a restaurant but they can’t order food.”

Uhhh… okay. Who are these couples who have just decided to stop having sex? I’m sure it can’t be denied that having children or being super busy can get in the way of your sex life, and chemistry and attraction can dry up between people for a number of reasons.  But D’Ambrosio seems to be implying that today’s young couples have made some sort of anti-sex pact, and I’ve never heard of such a thing.


If anything, people are more sexually free today than ever. Women are more open to discussing their desires, and there’s a lot less stigma about acting out whatever your kink might be. Look at the mainstream success of Fifty Shades of Gray. We liked it, and we weren’t afraid to show it.

It’s not just boredom that stops sex from happening. Everywhere you look, there’s pictures of men and women we know half naked — some look better than your husband or wife. So it becomes desirable. It’s in your face every single day and changes your mindset.”

Everywhere D’Ambrosio looks, he sees men and women he knows half naked? Interesting. I can’t even think of the last time I saw one of my friends half naked.

“It’s no wonder why insecurities loom so largely these days. You have to be perfect to keep someone attracted to you. Meanwhile, what your lover should really be attracted to is your heart. Maybe if you felt that connection beyond a physical level, would you realize a sexual attraction you’ve never felt before.”

I don’t think that’s true. I’ve dated a variety of men, and most of them haven’t expected physical perfection at all. If anything, it was the opposite. They thought I was beautiful in sweatpants and no makeup. Most people don’t look like movie stars in everyday life—not even movie stars. I don’t think that’s ever stopped anyone from getting it on.

I’m not saying there are never exceptions, just that out of all the issues we have in our society, I don’t see how a lack of desire for sex is one of them. When a couple stops having sex, it’s because something else is wrong. It seems D’Ambrosio is identifying a symptom, not a cause.


  1. “Finances cripple us.”

“Years ago, it didn’t cost upward of $200,000 for an education. It also didn’t cost $300,000-plus for a home.

The cost of living was very different than what it is now. You’d be naive to believe this stress doesn’t cause strain on marriages today.”

People also make more money today than they did decades ago. It’s all relative. If anything, wouldn’t harder financial times make people want to get—and stay—married? Things are easier if you have a partner that you trust to share finances with.

“You need to find a job to pay for student loans, a mortgage, utilities, living expenses and a baby.”

You are not required to take on loans you can’t afford, and you’re definitely not required to have a baby. If you can’t afford it, you probably shouldn’t. If you want a kid, awesome, but acknowledge that it’s your choice, and be aware that it’s expensive.

“This strain causes separation between us. It halts us from being able to live life. We’re too busy paying bills to enjoy our youth. Forget going to dinner, you have to pay the mortgage. You’ll have to skip out on an anniversary gift this year because those student loans are due at the end of the month. Vacations? Not happening.”

Once again, why did you get a mortgage you couldn’t afford?

Ugh. Officially annoyed. I should have just avoided this entire section, because the way people are about money really bugs me. Don’t do stuff if you can’t afford it. It’s that simple. You aren’t entitled to a house. You aren’t entitled to anything. And if you and your spouse are going to both agree to do stuff you can’t afford, don’t complain when things are stressful!

3) We’re more connected than ever before, but completely disconnected at the same time.

“You told your wife you made dinner reservations … through a text message.

Your husband had flowers delivered to your job … through an app on his phone.

You both searched for furnishings for your new home … on Pinterest.

There’s no physical connection attached to anything anymore.”

Here he lists out a bunch of stuff without saying why any of it is bad. Yeah, I text my friends. Yeah, I read their words instead of hearing their voices. So what? I’m also able to talk to them all day long while working. I’m also able to leave funny messages for them at night so they’ll smile and see them when they wake up in the morning. Because of texting, I’m available to communicate to the people who matter most to me—some of whom live states away.

“We’ve developed relationships with things, not each other. Ninety-five percent of the personal conversations you have on a daily basis occur through some type of technology. We’ve removed human emotion from our relationships, and we’ve replaced it colorful bubbles.”

Sorry but this is just wrong. I’ve shared very deep emotions and had wonderful conversations that brought me closer to people–all through text. Just because you don’t know how to pick up on emotion or express it using the written word doesn’t mean no one does.

“You want to know why your grandmother and grandfather just celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary? Because they weren’t scrolling through Instagram worrying about what John ate for dinner. They weren’t on Facebook criticizing others. They weren’t on vacation sending Snapchats to their friends.”

Actually, that’s not even close to the reason. But you hate technology. We get it.

4) Our desire for attention outweighs our desire to be loved.

“Social media, however, has given everyone an opportunity to be famous. Attention you couldn’t dream of getting unless you were celebrity is now a selfie away. Post a picture, and thousands of strangers will like it. Wear less clothing, and guess what? More likes.

It’s more than that though. What about the life you live? I see pictures of people decked out in designer clothes, posted up in some club with fancy drinks — People that I know are dead broke. But they portray themselves as successful because, well, they can. And they get this gratification from people who like and comment on their statuses or pictures.”

So, because the people you know are pathetic and narcissistic, that means social media is ruining everyone’s relationships? Come on D’Ambrosio. The majority of people are not like this, and you have to know that.

5) Social media just invited a few thousand people into bed with you.

“We’ve invited strangers into our homes and brought them on dates with us. We’ve shown them our wardrobe, drove with them in our cars, and we even showed them our bathing suits. Might as well pack them a suitcase, too.”

He once again made a point without demonstrating why this is a bad thing. I do agree that spending too much time photographing and posting can remove you from the moment. However, snapping a quick pic or two and then taking the five seconds it takes to upload to Instagram is not a big deal. Some people become addicted to social media, sure. But people can become addicted to anything. I don’t personally know anyone who has had their relationship end because of normal use of social media.

Why Marriage Doesn’t Work for Everyone Anymore: My Personal Opinion

Notice I said “for everyone.” Marriage obviously does work for plenty of people, so implying that it never works is just silly. I do, however, think the expectation of a lifelong marriage is unrealistic for many people, and viewing it as something that will happen for all of us one day if we just believe is problematic. A lot of marriages will eventually end, and there are obvious reasons for that. D’Ambrosio, in my opinion, missed most of them.

  1. No Stigma for Divorce

A lot of people in past generations stayed together simply because they felt they had to, not because their lives were a blissful paradise free of social media.

     2. No Stigma for Staying Single

These days, it’s possible to live a full and happy life, and even have an active sex life, without ever being romantically involved with anyone. Sure, a few people might think you’re weird, but who cares?

     3. Everyone is Career Driven

Those with careers can of course get married, but when people are financially self-sufficient and passionate about what they do, their lives are full and they don’t need a partner to help them avoid boredom or provide them with money. They might still want a partner, but not needing one makes a big difference.

    4. Drug and Mental Health Problems

Most people I know, myself included, have battled with addiction or mental-health issues at one point or another. It’s difficult to be in love when someone is dealing with stuff like that, and sadly, a lot of relationships end up destroyed. I’ve personally lost someone I once loved very much due to these issues.

     5. A Clashing of Cultures

In the United States, we have many different cultures. Two people in the same neighborhood can be raised differently and have two opposing views on how life should be. We all have our own thoughts on everything, from God to food to what to watch on TV. You don’t have to be exactly the same as your partner, but marriage is hard enough without one of you being a militant atheist and the other being a Christian. With so many different types of people and no set values that we all share, it’s hard to find a match.

     6. People are just Assholes

I wish we could be honest about this. A lot of people just suck. They’re dumb, they’re mean, they’re selfish, and they make poor choices. Maybe they’ll even hit you or sexually abuse you. A lot of us have been hurt one too many times, and we’re backing away from the idea of marriage because we don’t want to have to go through it again.

     7. No Respect for Sex

Whether you think casual sex is right or wrong, you can’t deny that getting it is pretty easy if your standards are low enough. In a world of instant Tinder dates, webcam girls, and thousands upon thousands of hours of free porn, there isn’t much reason to leave the house—let alone commit to someone for life.

And maybe that’s okay. Maybe instead of spending so much time pondering why marriage isn’t working for a lot of people these days, we should take a step back and ask ourselves why we want it to. What good is it doing us to have all these people trying to get and stay married when it’s so damn hard? What’s the point?

I’m not saying there isn’t a point. Just that we should ponder it for ourselves rather than blindly accepting the idea that marriage is simply something you do. It isn’t for everyone, and that’s okay. Rather than feeling pressured, take some time to consider what’s driving you to want marriage in the first place. It might give you some perspective that will help you if you ever do get married.

D’Ambrosio did say one thing I agreed with:

“Marriage is sacred. It is the most beautiful sacrament and has tremendous promise for those fortunate enough to experience it. Divorced or not, I am a believer in true love and building a beautiful life with someone.”


Despite everything I said here today, I do feel that marriage is sacred. I’m really enjoying my time as a single person, but if I meet a nice man one day, and we find our groove together, I’m at peace with being a wife, too. If I ever say “yes” to a proposal, I’m going to mean it from the depths of my heart–otherwise, I won’t be afraid to say no. We now live in a world where people have options, and that’s a beautiful thing.

Embracing the Single Life: Why Being Alone Might be the Most Romantic Thing You Could Do

If you’re anything like me, when you’re in a shitty relationship, romance is the last thing on your mind. You don’t want to think about cuddling, kissing, and going to nice restaurants with some amazing guy. You don’t want to think about sex. You’re too busy planning a move to some rural part of the country, where you can hopefully acquire a small, dark shack to live out the rest of your days in.

This is why I’m now a firm believer that you should get out of bad relationships as soon as possible. If having someone in my life causes me to feel less happy than I do without them in my life, that person gets the axe.

There is one requirement for maintaining this policy. You have to be willing to be alone.

Finding Peace with the Single Life

Maybe you’ve just gone through a breakup, and the pain is still fresh. Perhaps you’ve been single so long that it seems you might as well take the rural-shack route. Either way, taking a few minutes to stop and embrace the beauty of your single life can benefit you.

If you’re happy being single—awesome. I am too, and it’s a wonderful thing that I could rave about for hours. However, for this blog, I wanted to talk specifically about how being single can actually be a romantic choice that can assist you in not just finding a person but also the right one.

How Loving Solitude Can Help Prepare You for Your Next Relationship

Most of us, even those like myself who enjoy being single, would like to find an ideal partner to share life with one day. That is far from easy. The majority of couples don’t last a lifetime. That’s just how it is. However, happy partnerships do occur, so we all have reason to hope. And by being sinbookreader.jpeggle now, you’re actually doing the best possible thing you can do to attract your ideal romance.

  1. You’ll Have the Time to Think About What You Want

If you jump from one relationship to another out of desperation to not be alone, you’ll never have the peace and solitude required to reflect upon what it is you really need.

I’m a very big believer in the law of attraction. It’s mentioned in most of my stories, because I believe it to be a basic foundation of reality. To find the right person, you need to know what the right person looks like, and I don’t mean physically.

What sort of qualities would your dream partners have, and most important, how would they make you feel? If you can meditate on the feelings your ideal relationship would create for you, such as the feeling of being supported or how wonderful it feels to have a partner who gets your sense of humor, you’ll start attracting someone who will make you feel that way. Creating a vision board can help with this.

  1. Intimacy Will Feel like New Again

Okay, this one doesn’t apply to some of you, but I figured I’d go ahead and mention it. I don’t believe in casual sex under any circumstances. I’m not shaming you if you do. Please don’t think that. People should have freedom over what they do with their bodies, so if you feel casual sex is right for you, then go get yours.

That said, I reserve all forms of physical intimacy, from sex to cuddling, for people I’m in a committed, monogamous relationship with. Therefore, when I’m single for long enough, I start forgetting what these things feel like. In the future, when I do experience physical touch again, it will feel like the first time. There’s nothing quite like getting butterflies the way you did when you were young.

  1. You Won’t Come with Baggage

When we get out of bad relationships, a lot of people have a tendency to immediately look for another one. There are a lot of reasons for this, such as:

  • Fear of being alone.
  • Wanting to punish the ex.
  • The desire for sexual intimacy.
  • Hoping there’s a reason for all of this, and projecting those hopes onto an innocent person.

It all makes sense. It’s not easy to accept when someone hurts you. It leaves you feeling jaded and hating the universe. However, as a single person, you have the opportunity to work on healing and clearing the baggage out of your emotional mind without any distractions.

takeback.jpgYou’ll also have the chance to sort out deeper issues, such as childhood traumas, addictions, or other conditions that might be holding you back in life and love. That means, by the time a love interest appears in your life, you’ll be able to throw yourself into it with an open heart. You’ll also have developed the tools to walk away if it that person doesn’t turn out to be as great as they initially seemed.

  1. You’ll be Available

The simplest reason why you need to be single to find the right person is obvious: You’ll be available. What do most great romance novels have in common? They begin with single characters who are doing their own thing in life. Okay, maybe some romances do begin with scandalous circumstances, such as cheating, but the easiest way to prepare for a monogamous relationship is to  be available for one.

This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have standards or play hard to get. Just remember that if you stay with the wrong person out of fear of being alone, it’s going to be a lot harder when you eventually meet the right one.

     5. You’ll be Ready

The majority of people will embrace the possibility of romance when it shows up, but that doesn’t mean they’re ready. I am guilty of this myself. I never took the proper amount of time to heal after one of the hardest and most toxic relationships of my life. I should have realized what I’m seeing now: I need a nice, long period of my adult life to myself before I attempt to settle down with anyone.

Of course, embracing the single life doesn’t mean you’ll find the perfect partner as soon as you’re ready. It might take twenty tries, or it might take a lot more than that. But I do believe with all of my heart that the willingness to be single is a crucial component to finding the right person. Now that I’m on my own, I’m starting to believe in romance again. I won’t be attempting to date anytime soon, but if it happens suddenly, the way it does in novels, I’ll be open to it.

Until then, I’ll be enjoying my peace and freedom, doing what I want with my time, and experiencing true joy, because that’s how life should be. The right person will only enhance that.


After getting brutally dumped by his ex, Devin was ready to embrace the single life. Then Cora comes along. He’s fixing to throw in the towel and settle down—but is she? Or will they keep hovering on the EDGE OF SOMETHING MORE? Available now at Amazon.

Embracing the Single Life: How to Heal after a Breakup

There’s one benefit of not having luck in love–years of looking on the bright side of relationship failure teach you to nope out like a champion. If you’re not there yet, and you need a little inspiration, allow me: A breakup is your moment of empowerment. You now have freedom and a lot of extra time for yourself. What are you going to do with it?

Two things are certain:

  • There is a unique healing path for you.
  • A number of things can help you feel better.


    Thinking about the beautiful memories with your ex will hurt, but that feeling will fade in time.

Accepting Reality and Owning Your Decision

A breakup isn’t a fight, and ‘breaking up’ and getting back together isn’t really breaking up. With breakups, there’s always a moment of no return. Every couple has one—either that or they live happily ever after until they die. Being able to witness this moment and accept it is a life skill. If you can master it, your breakups will be easier.

Talking to Friends

I love my friends, and I’m so thankful—since I forgot to do an official Thanksgiving post—for all of them. Family too. The people in my life remind me that I’m strong, and that is awesome. I hope you all have that too, but if you don’t, you can find it. Relationships are hard, and there are so many people going through the same things.

Releasing Anger

Cry, yell, or talk shit all you like, but avoid drama by keeping it private. If you spew your rage all over social media, you might regret it later.


A younger me looking pissed. I was less heartbroken but not as smart.

Try embracing the sadness and knowing it will help you heal. You’re constantly processing and learning from things. Commit to moving forward, and the dark moments won’t last very long.

Zoning Out

Books and movies can be therapeutic. Every storyteller has a unique take on relationships, and there’s always something to be learned. When you’re really feeling low, remember this important truth: it’s okay to view binge-watching shows on Netflix as your only reason for living. Don’t worry, everything will improve.


You’ve made the decision. You’re in the new chapter … and then one day, you miss your ex, and the cycle starts over. This results in neither a resolution to problems or an arrival at the point of no return. If you want to get over your break up, committing to your decision (or choosing acceptance if the decision wasn’t yours) is empowering.


When you’ve grieved, and things balance a bit, it’ll be time to start visualizing the future you want. Maybe that means a thrilling new romance. It could mean time to focus on your career goals, heal from the past, or work on your relationship with God. Make vision boards to keep the things you want to do fresh in your mind. Focus helps.

 Digging Deep

A lot of us have baggage from the past, and a breakup is a great opportunity to throw yourself into healing. What scars from the past are affecting you now? Do you have emotional damage that needs to be healed? Taking the time to work on yourself is like announcing to the universe that you are worthy of a great future. And


Having time to work on yourself can be healing.

you are. So don’t be afraid to face tough issues head on. Something that helps me a lot is EFT.

Believing in Love

Many blame themselves,sometimes even claiming that they must not be meant for relationships. It’s fine to choose the single life, just remember that every relationship is different. The only way to find romance with the right person is to make sure the wrong person—and all associated baggage—aren’t taking up any room inside your heart.

Loving Your Body

A breakup is a great time to make a fresh commitment to your body and health. Sweat out your pain at the gym, hit the dance floor, and never underestimate the amount of trauma that one relaxing yoga session can undo. A healthy diet filled with fruits and vegetables will help you sharpen your mind and sort out your healing process.

You can get through this breakup. You’re a work in progress, and you have more power over your future than you know. Utilize it by maximizing your time and putting your freedom to work for you. Develop yourself and you will go far.

Thanks for reading! If you liked this blog, please comment or share. Follow me on Twitter? 🙂