When You Don’t Fit in: Thriving in a World You Feel Separate From

Maybe you look different. Maybe you live different. You’re a creature of a world all your own. This can be a great thing. Some people build their entire identities around it.

Not fitting in can also feel crappy. The outcasts, the loners, the people who put on fake smiles while they’re secretly grimacing at how frustrating it is to be so different from everyone around them—they all know this. Sometimes, the feeling only lasts a moment. Like when you’re the only person in a group discussion who disagrees with something. It can also be a lifelong thing. Or maybe feeling misunderstood by the people around you is a constant. You might even feel like you were born on the wrong planet.

Oh, I’m an INFJ—That’s Why I’m Weird

You can be blessed with close friends but still feel at odds with society in some way. That’s me. I’ve known for years I’m an INFJ, but it was only recently that I really started reading about what that meant. It’s the rarest personality type on the planet, apparently. I guess that makes sense.

Personality Page says:

“INFJs are protective of their inner selves, sharing only what they choose to share when they choose to share it. They are deep, complex individuals, who are quite private and typically difficult to understand.”

I like that there’s documentation of my complexity and all, but other personality types feel misunderstood too. There’s enough differences in the world that everyone feels that way sometimes. Whether you were “born on the wrong planet” or not, you’re meant to be here, and that’s important to know. Your presence will change the story of life on Earth. This is always true but especially if you make an effort to be remembered for your unique gifts.

Fully Utilize the Internet

This seems obvious since you’re online right now, but just in case it isn’t: take advantage of the web. No matter what you’re into or how you feel about any aspect of existence, someone out there is feeling the same. I’ve been on forums for long hair, colorful hair, cooking, skincare, health, dancing, unique/free spirituality, general exercise, arts and crafts, and of course, writing. I’ve met so many interesting friends this way.

If you really feel alone with your ideas, consider starting a blog so you can introduce your unique perspectives to the world. There might be others like you out there. Not everyone knows how to express themselves. If you can and feel the desire to, you should!

Relocate—with Realistic Expectations

Some people go out and search for a place that feels right for them. Edge of Something More is about a search like that. After living in three states, I don’t think I “belong” anywhere. Maybe I’ll feel different in the future, but I kind of doubt it. I’ve had happy experiences many places. The world is beautiful all over. Traveling is always worth it, but making a permanent move is a different thing.

If you do relocate:

  • Know what you’re looking for and why. The more you have at stake, the more you want solid, dependable reasons for doing what you’re doing. Being in love with the local music scene or a nearby national park is dependable. Being in love with a girl you met online three days ago is less so, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go for it. Just look at what you have to gain versus what you have to lose, and then go with what feels right.
  • Don’t build the place up too much. An atmosphere more conducive to your landscape is a valuable thing, but it’s never good to expect more than a place can offer. Sometimes feelings change over time as well. The excitement of a new place wears off.
  • Don’t get dragged down by negativity. People can be harsh on places, so keep in mind that you might love what someone else hates.
  • Be serious about climate. If you’re like me and can’t deal with winter, a lot of locations are off the list. I didn’t realize this about myself until I had traveled quite a bit. The first snowy winter was exciting and fun. After that, not so much.

Live Your Way

I was okay until I reached kindergarten and people started demanding I get up at a certain time and do a bunch of stuff I didn’t want to do. I was depressed a lot of my life. Not only did I feel like a weirdo, but I also had a bunch of health problems. Somewhere in my twenties I figured out that living my way is my only chance of survival.

Don’t let society force you into a mold or a life plan that doesn’t work for you. There are all millions of lifestyles, and they all rock as long as you’re in alignment with your real self and not hurting anyone else.

Moments of Connection

Chances are that you do fit in and don’t realize it. At least in a lot of small ways. I try to notice those ways and point them out to myself. For example, I feel that connection to the world around me when:

  • Sharing humor. I love seeing the memes people make. Some of them are so awesome that it makes me love the human race once again.
  • Interacting with other writers. It’s such a huge part of me. Even the writers who get me the least still align with me more than a lot of the world.
  • Watching television. Connecting to other people in TV fandoms has always been fun for me. I plan on doing more TV recaps and rants on this and my other blog soon.
  • Talking about relationships. There are only so many different problems and situations. It’s easy to connect to people on the subjects of sex, love, and heartbreak.

Just be You

Never accept toxic relationships in the name of fitting in. People who put you down for being different don’t deserve your time or energy. Being unique is setting an example. I’ve been influenced by many brave individuals who set examples for me over the years, and I’m thankful.Those who clash with society help change it, so speak your mind and do what you want.

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Embracing the Single Life: Why Being Alone Might be the Most Romantic Thing You Could Do

If you’re anything like me, when you’re in a shitty relationship, romance is the last thing on your mind. You don’t want to think about cuddling, kissing, and going to nice restaurants with some amazing guy. You don’t want to think about sex. You’re too busy planning a move to some rural part of the country, where you can hopefully acquire a small, dark shack to live out the rest of your days in.

This is why I’m now a firm believer that you should get out of bad relationships as soon as possible. If having someone in my life causes me to feel less happy than I do without them in my life, that person gets the axe.

There is one requirement for maintaining this policy. You have to be willing to be alone.

Finding Peace with the Single Life

Maybe you’ve just gone through a breakup, and the pain is still fresh. Perhaps you’ve been single so long that it seems you might as well take the rural-shack route. Either way, taking a few minutes to stop and embrace the beauty of your single life can benefit you.

If you’re happy being single—awesome. I am too, and it’s a wonderful thing that I could rave about for hours. However, for this blog, I wanted to talk specifically about how being single can actually be a romantic choice that can assist you in not just finding a person but also the right one.

How Loving Solitude Can Help Prepare You for Your Next Relationship

Most of us, even those like myself who enjoy being single, would like to find an ideal partner to share life with one day. That is far from easy. The majority of couples don’t last a lifetime. That’s just how it is. However, happy partnerships do occur, so we all have reason to hope. And by being sinbookreader.jpeggle now, you’re actually doing the best possible thing you can do to attract your ideal romance.

  1. You’ll Have the Time to Think About What You Want

If you jump from one relationship to another out of desperation to not be alone, you’ll never have the peace and solitude required to reflect upon what it is you really need.

I’m a very big believer in the law of attraction. It’s mentioned in most of my stories, because I believe it to be a basic foundation of reality. To find the right person, you need to know what the right person looks like, and I don’t mean physically.

What sort of qualities would your dream partners have, and most important, how would they make you feel? If you can meditate on the feelings your ideal relationship would create for you, such as the feeling of being supported or how wonderful it feels to have a partner who gets your sense of humor, you’ll start attracting someone who will make you feel that way. Creating a vision board can help with this.

  1. Intimacy Will Feel like New Again

Okay, this one doesn’t apply to some of you, but I figured I’d go ahead and mention it. I don’t believe in casual sex under any circumstances. I’m not shaming you if you do. Please don’t think that. People should have freedom over what they do with their bodies, so if you feel casual sex is right for you, then go get yours.

That said, I reserve all forms of physical intimacy, from sex to cuddling, for people I’m in a committed, monogamous relationship with. Therefore, when I’m single for long enough, I start forgetting what these things feel like. In the future, when I do experience physical touch again, it will feel like the first time. There’s nothing quite like getting butterflies the way you did when you were young.

  1. You Won’t Come with Baggage

When we get out of bad relationships, a lot of people have a tendency to immediately look for another one. There are a lot of reasons for this, such as:

  • Fear of being alone.
  • Wanting to punish the ex.
  • The desire for sexual intimacy.
  • Hoping there’s a reason for all of this, and projecting those hopes onto an innocent person.

It all makes sense. It’s not easy to accept when someone hurts you. It leaves you feeling jaded and hating the universe. However, as a single person, you have the opportunity to work on healing and clearing the baggage out of your emotional mind without any distractions.

takeback.jpgYou’ll also have the chance to sort out deeper issues, such as childhood traumas, addictions, or other conditions that might be holding you back in life and love. That means, by the time a love interest appears in your life, you’ll be able to throw yourself into it with an open heart. You’ll also have developed the tools to walk away if it that person doesn’t turn out to be as great as they initially seemed.

  1. You’ll be Available

The simplest reason why you need to be single to find the right person is obvious: You’ll be available. What do most great romance novels have in common? They begin with single characters who are doing their own thing in life. Okay, maybe some romances do begin with scandalous circumstances, such as cheating, but the easiest way to prepare for a monogamous relationship is to  be available for one.

This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have standards or play hard to get. Just remember that if you stay with the wrong person out of fear of being alone, it’s going to be a lot harder when you eventually meet the right one.

     5. You’ll be Ready

The majority of people will embrace the possibility of romance when it shows up, but that doesn’t mean they’re ready. I am guilty of this myself. I never took the proper amount of time to heal after one of the hardest and most toxic relationships of my life. I should have realized what I’m seeing now: I need a nice, long period of my adult life to myself before I attempt to settle down with anyone.

Of course, embracing the single life doesn’t mean you’ll find the perfect partner as soon as you’re ready. It might take twenty tries, or it might take a lot more than that. But I do believe with all of my heart that the willingness to be single is a crucial component to finding the right person. Now that I’m on my own, I’m starting to believe in romance again. I won’t be attempting to date anytime soon, but if it happens suddenly, the way it does in novels, I’ll be open to it.

Until then, I’ll be enjoying my peace and freedom, doing what I want with my time, and experiencing true joy, because that’s how life should be. The right person will only enhance that.

___

After getting brutally dumped by his ex, Devin was ready to embrace the single life. Then Cora comes along. He’s fixing to throw in the towel and settle down—but is she? Or will they keep hovering on the EDGE OF SOMETHING MORE? Available now at Amazon.

Embracing the Single Life: How to Heal after a Breakup

There’s one benefit of not having luck in love–years of looking on the bright side of relationship failure teach you to nope out like a champion. If you’re not there yet, and you need a little inspiration, allow me: A breakup is your moment of empowerment. You now have freedom and a lot of extra time for yourself. What are you going to do with it?

Two things are certain:

  • There is a unique healing path for you.
  • A number of things can help you feel better.

    couple-love-people-romantic

    Thinking about the beautiful memories with your ex will hurt, but that feeling will fade in time.

Accepting Reality and Owning Your Decision

A breakup isn’t a fight, and ‘breaking up’ and getting back together isn’t really breaking up. With breakups, there’s always a moment of no return. Every couple has one—either that or they live happily ever after until they die. Being able to witness this moment and accept it is a life skill. If you can master it, your breakups will be easier.

Talking to Friends

I love my friends, and I’m so thankful—since I forgot to do an official Thanksgiving post—for all of them. Family too. The people in my life remind me that I’m strong, and that is awesome. I hope you all have that too, but if you don’t, you can find it. Relationships are hard, and there are so many people going through the same things.

Releasing Anger

Cry, yell, or talk shit all you like, but avoid drama by keeping it private. If you spew your rage all over social media, you might regret it later.

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A younger me looking pissed. I was less heartbroken but not as smart.

Try embracing the sadness and knowing it will help you heal. You’re constantly processing and learning from things. Commit to moving forward, and the dark moments won’t last very long.

Zoning Out

Books and movies can be therapeutic. Every storyteller has a unique take on relationships, and there’s always something to be learned. When you’re really feeling low, remember this important truth: it’s okay to view binge-watching shows on Netflix as your only reason for living. Don’t worry, everything will improve.

Committing

You’ve made the decision. You’re in the new chapter … and then one day, you miss your ex, and the cycle starts over. This results in neither a resolution to problems or an arrival at the point of no return. If you want to get over your break up, committing to your decision (or choosing acceptance if the decision wasn’t yours) is empowering.

Dreaming

When you’ve grieved, and things balance a bit, it’ll be time to start visualizing the future you want. Maybe that means a thrilling new romance. It could mean time to focus on your career goals, heal from the past, or work on your relationship with God. Make vision boards to keep the things you want to do fresh in your mind. Focus helps.

 Digging Deep

A lot of us have baggage from the past, and a breakup is a great opportunity to throw yourself into healing. What scars from the past are affecting you now? Do you have emotional damage that needs to be healed? Taking the time to work on yourself is like announcing to the universe that you are worthy of a great future. And

person-woman-relaxation-girl

Having time to work on yourself can be healing.

you are. So don’t be afraid to face tough issues head on. Something that helps me a lot is EFT.

Believing in Love

Many blame themselves,sometimes even claiming that they must not be meant for relationships. It’s fine to choose the single life, just remember that every relationship is different. The only way to find romance with the right person is to make sure the wrong person—and all associated baggage—aren’t taking up any room inside your heart.

Loving Your Body

A breakup is a great time to make a fresh commitment to your body and health. Sweat out your pain at the gym, hit the dance floor, and never underestimate the amount of trauma that one relaxing yoga session can undo. A healthy diet filled with fruits and vegetables will help you sharpen your mind and sort out your healing process.

You can get through this breakup. You’re a work in progress, and you have more power over your future than you know. Utilize it by maximizing your time and putting your freedom to work for you. Develop yourself and you will go far.

Thanks for reading! If you liked this blog, please comment or share. Follow me on Twitter? 🙂

Andi